Life

I wish life was like the actual game... remember that? With the little cars and the pink and blue people? That game is awesome.

I'm going to my dance midterm in a few mintues... then it's home for spring break (until Monday morning, when I'm off to NYC - woot!).

Life is still crazy. I still feel insane. But it's ok. I think that's just life.

My buddy Dan from EC was down to visit me yesterday 'till this morning. I had a great time, even though it was a short visit. I ate BW wings for the first time! I felt bad for making him sleep on our crappy couch, but he seemed to be okay with it. A bunch of us went down to Pattys, and afterwards, Dan (D-squared, ha) Becker, Matt, & Dean came over to Uhler. It was way cool, since they never visit us over here.

Happy spring break, GAC - the last spring break many of us will ever have. I want to hear all of your stories as soon as we come back.

Gotta go dance - jazz hands!

Is there no end to the insanity?

I'm starting to wonder if insanity if infinite. Meaning, can you ever be so insane that your body just shuts down and says "That's it! You can't get any more crazy than that!" I don't think so. I think that insanity has the potential to go on forever. Once you start feeling crazy, beware, because you might be well on your way to becoming more insane every day for the REST OF YOUR LIFE! Yikes.

On the other hand, maybe we all only THINK we're crazy. Maybe it's just a messed up perception of reality due to the fact that we are severely needing some time off (soon to come in the form of spring break).

Either way, everyday I feel more insane and have more problems distinguishing reality from the craziness I think is in my head. (Does that make sense? Ha! Didn't think so.)

Even though my life seems to kind of suck right now, it would do me good to remember that I'm much better off than a lot of people in this world. It always helps me to remember where I am and who I am when I put things in perspective...
There was a story on the news about a brain-damaged woman whose husband and parents are engaged in a nasty court battle - the husband wants to honor her wishes and let her die as she would naturally, but her parents want to keep her alive (with a feeding tube). This battle is over 10 years old! Holy shit, y'all! I cannot imagine being any of these people.

Other ways my life could be worse:
-I could be John Basedow
-I could be lost in the tsunami
-I could be John Basedow, lost in the tsunami!
(Ok, seriously now...)
-I could be homeless
-I could be without healthcare (hmm, this may happen soon!)
-I could live in a "third-world" (is that still politically correct?) country and have no food or shelther
-I could have no friends or family
-I could live my entire life with in the confines of the midwest and never know how wonderful it is to travel
- George Michael, Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, and Elton John could have decided to become garbage collectors instead of singers
-I could have gone to UWRF (bleck)

Seriously, when I think about it, I have a lot ot be thankful for! I can see, hear, taste, smell, and most importantly, FEEL. I have the ability to dream and think deep thoughts and go places and love and live my life any way I want to.

Another Successful Day of Procrastination!

More song lyrics... blame MyTunes! This is a *great* song.

(selections from) I Want Your Sex - George Michael

There's things that you guess, and things that you know
There's boys you can trust, and girls that you don't
There's little things you hide, and little things that you show
Sometimes you think you're gonna get it, but you don't and that's just the way it goes...

I swear I won't tease you, won't tell you no lies
I don't need no bible, just look in my eyes
I've waited so long baby, out in the cold
I can't take much more girl, I'm losing control

It's natural, it's chemical (let's do it), it's logical, habitual (can we do it?)
it's sensual, but most of all...
sex is something we should do, sex is something for me and you

Sex is natural-sex is good
not everybody does it
but everybody should
sex is natural-sex is fun
sex is best when it's.. one on one...

What's your definition of dirty, baby?
What do you consider pornography?
Don't you know I love you till it hurts me baby?
Don't you think it's time you had sex with me?...

Come on, I want your sex
Come on, I want your sex
That's right, all night
Oh I want your sex, I want your...sex

Sexy baby's sexy body
keeps me guessing, with a promise
I know we can come together
but the question is will we ever?...

You can never have too much music!

I downloaded Mytunes yesterday. Hooray for another procrastination tool!

Star Wars Checks

Yesterday, I wrote out my very last Star Wars check... I got them when I was 15. I wrote the last one out to "cash" and was ready to go to the Finance Office to cash it so I had money for the weekend when I found out that the college closed at noon (it was 12:03).
Yes, that's right Gustavus shut down yesterday at noon due to a snow emergency. It was so weird. Who closes a college? Not that I'm complaining! It was hilarious. Even more hilarious was the fact that I went to a lecture at 4pm (it had nothing to do with class).

So my check is still sitting on my desk, waiting for Monday so it can magically become cash. That's probably a good thing, considering I was at the bar almost everyday this past week... I really shouldn't spend anymore money until I'm in New York for spring break. Damn.

Kristen and I (and whoever else wants to go) are supposed to go traying today, but she's not up yet. I'm hungry. I might have to go to the tank and get some comida. Kermit the Frog is singing The Rainbow Connection on my winamp. That's funny. I'm going to change it. Not really in the mood for Kermit today.

Went to Rundy for the 'Taste of India' last night... I thought it was awesome. I really love spicy food (blame my father), and I thought it was really delicious. Their head-res is so great! After that was the Mr. Gustavus pagent, which was kind of weird, but at least someone cool won it AND I got to see John Zeiler dressed up in cellophane and a top hat. That has been something on my list of "things to see before I die" for a while now. Yes, I'm kidding.

I suppose I should do some homework right now. That'd be a great idea. Sadly, I can't remember how do to homework or how to concentrate or how to be productive. I am a bad student!

What's with TODAY today?

I need to watch Empire Records.

I got the extended version for Christmas and watched it 3 times over New Year's weekend (twice because I was tired and hungover and couldn't do anything else).

Today I am FINALLY feeling a bit better... not physically, but mentally/emotionally. I was in a rut there for a while, and I'm sure it'll be back (two months 'till graduation.... there's apparently quite a bit to fuss over). BUT for now, I'm doing pretty good.

I have a Suz midterm tomorrow, but I cannot bring myself to study. I just can't do it. The study guide is too ridiculous. The class is too ridiculous. I am too ridiculous! It's ridiculous!! Hot damn.

Last night, while listening to the song "If" by Janet Jackson, I decided that I need to burn a cd with songs on it that make me feel sexy and then write "HOT STUFF" on it in red permanent marker.

Bells tonight. Trivia tonight. Long day tomorrow. I really should study now, huh. NOPE. Instead, I'm going to plan out graduation gifts for my friends. HA! Because that's more important than my midterm tomorrow.

Beware the Ides of March!

(I never realized how great these lyrics are until today!! HA! I love it! Billy Joel, you genius!)

(selections from) My Life - Billy Joel

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, and leave me alone

I never said you had to offer me a second chance
I never said I was a victim of circumstance
I still belong, don't get me wrong
And you can speak your mind - But not on my time

They will tell you you can't sleep alone in a strange place
Then they'll tell you you can't sleep with somebody else
But sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay, you wake up with yourself...

(GENIUS!)

Bitch

Once again with the song lyrics... I've been listening to this one kind of a lot lately. I'm funny like that. I find that I can relate to it very easily right now.

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

I hate the world today, you're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you, but you look at me like
Maybe I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet,

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused, I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing

(refrain)

Just when you think you've got me figured out
The season is already changing
I think it's cool you do what you do
And don't try to save me

(refrain)

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When your hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Happy Birthday Kimmie!

Woot! It's Kim's birthday for real today... so if you read this today and see her, tell her that she's old.
We went to The Neighbors last night. What a great restaurant! It's so disguised in that weird looking building... great atmosphere, great food... the only problem was our ridiculously slow waitress. She took so long getting us our bill and then getting us our receipts that Kim and I were 45 minutes late for the dance concert. Oh well. The second half was good. :P
We dressed up. I felt sexy for the first time in a while. Nice.

We came back to Uhler to get Kristen who had completely forgotten about the concert... she changed, Becky came home from speech, we called the drunk bus, and went to Pattys. It was the first time the four of us have ever gone out together. Rockin' good time... even though a bunch of people decided to leave right when we got there because the cup special ended (punks!). Thanks to Jennie and Matt for sticking around.
It was good though. I achieved my goal of drunkeness, and I also did not fall while walking in my big black boots.
We went to AV afterward. Most people were sleeping. Kim, Becky and I had some deep conversation in the laundry room, then they left. Funny. I sat in Matt & Greg's room for a while, waiting for Kristen to finish talking with Jennie so we could get home (she didn't know anyone was waiting for her).
Finally, we called S&S and got our asses back home.
Becky and Kim were still up when we got here, so we all stayed up and had the ultimate drunken bonding session. These girls are the greatest! Roomies, if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU! It's just sad that we're all so busy and can rarely hang out together.

I need to eat before I go to work. Cross your fingers and hope I don't fall asleep while sitting in the f-ing bakery for four hours this afternoon.

Some Thoughts

-Kim's birthday celebration tonight: Neighbors, dance concert, Patty's until we're wasted
-Think I'm getting sick again, probably b/c I never sleep
-Hmm...
-Hope I can find some dress clothes that still fit for tonight
-Hope I have a good time tonight
-Still searching for some motivation
- .09 credits is a ridiculous number
-I hate pop-up windows
-I use the word 'ridiculous' way too much
-I don't care if you think my music's stupid
-I should paint my nails
-I should shower first
-Maybe not
-I really hate pop-up windows
-It's noon and I should find lunch
-Come to the bar tonight.... get drunk with Kim and me
-Please
-And if you have extra money, you should also buy us drinks, because we are both broke
-The end

Mother F**ker

I don't know
Whose side I'm takin'
But I'm not takin'
Things too well
I can see inside
You're achin'
But is it still too early
For me to tell?
-Michelle Branch

Money? What's that?

Yesterday had the potential of being one of the worst days of my life (long story and I'd rather you didn't ask - sorry). However, I was happy to find out near the end of the day that I made it into Phi Beta Kappa... something I've been hoping for since Becky got in last year (she was one of three juniors inducted).
The downside to accepting membership into any honors society is that there are dues to pay... in my case $83 worth of dues (well, if I want the 'key'... if I don't, then it's $57). But I want the key! Damn. I am so broke. I am going to be one hilarious tourist in NYC over spring break.
Tom Petty is singing to me on my winamp. Nice to wake up to his voice. Haha.
I guess I should get ready for class. I only have one today - probably shouldn't miss it (especially since I skipped it on Wednesday).

Never Gonna Say I'm Sorry

Woo! Anyone sick of song lyrics yet? Yeah? Tough, I don't care. It's my blog.

I heard this song for the first time in high school. For some reason, it spoke to me. Shut up, I know it's by Ace of Base. I don't care.

I'm Never Gonna Say I'm Sorry - Ace of Base

I'm never gonna say I'm sorry
I'm a clown for everyone
I'm never gonna let you down,
I'm always here like a sun

I'm a loser, that is a fact for sure
I'm happy even if you don't want
To invite me out for a dance tonight
I'm not normal, I know it, I don't care

I'm never gonna say I'm sorry
I'm a clown for everyone
I'm never gonna let you down,
I'm always here like a sun...

Like a ghost I follow your steps so true
You don't have to bribe me or fill me up
Give me just a minute to shine with you
I will make you so happy, make you laugh

I'm never gonna say I'm sorry for the essence of my soul
There are so many ways to change my life
'cause I want to...oh
I'm like a clown, I am fun for everyone...

I'm never gonna say i'm sorry...

Reflection

Do you ever stop to really look at your self in the mirror? If so, do you ever catch yourself wondering "who the hell is that?"

Dating Disorder!

Ok, so I was at a meeting for my independent study today - I'm working with a group of people who probably know (Heather, Jackie, Jennie, & Daria) to write this health handbook - "by students, for students!" We were sorting through some information and Heather (I think) came across this horrible piece of writing by some student that included info on "dating disorders"... we thought the "dating" was "dieting" spelled wrong.
The meeting got progressively funnier as we all discussed our different symptoms of our new-found dating disorders.
Funny right? Ok, maybe you had to be there. :P

Was at Perkins esta manana (sorry - that's looks like very sad Spanish w/o the accents... does anyone know how to do those things on a keyboard?). Anyway, I was at Perkins this morning... and last night. I'm starting to get excited for this project, although it's still difficult to get off my arse, walk to my car, and drive to the restaurant to actually do the work.

I found a Scissor Sisters song that I actually don't like. It's number 4 on the CD... so just in case you happen to pick up that CD, watch out for the fourth track. I don't know, it just annoys me.
Besides that, I'm still obnoxiously obsessed. I'm sure it'll wear off any day now. Yep, any day now.

I'm in a really weird mood.
I think maybe there has just been so much shit going on lately that it suddenly became too much and I cracked. I am now insane. All my horrible problems now seem really really funny, and I laugh maniacally at them. Hahahahahaha! (<-- see!)

I refuse to be normal.

$&*#(@&*(^!@@!

$&@! $*(#)*&(&#(+/?@!! %#)@@$&=)*&/&*$+?`*!!! Damn.

I'm a Fish Swimming Without Fins

More Scissor Sisters for you... 'cause I know you were missing me talk about them.

Better Luck

I know I'm into you
I don't know what to do
When we talk I feel like I've died twice
Boxers use it's fists
Hockey players break their wrist
You break my heart when you try to play nice

Like a detective without a case
I'll magnify what you say and
Test the implications
It could be you or it could be through
Before it even begins
I'm a fish swimming without fins

Better luck next time
Maybe we could have a go
With another kind of love
One that carries on
Better luck next time
Guess I've only one regret
That I didn't get to know you better than I did

You tell me that you're mine
Are you just being kind?
Let's not strech our imagination
When you look into my eyes
Always get them butterflies
My knees get weak with anticipation

And if I might have a slip of the tongue
Will the fun dissapear?
Is the binding coming undone?
You keep me waiting within your grasp
But I can't tell what you feel
And I'm too afraid to ask you

Better luck next time
Maybe we could have a go
With another kind of love
One that carries on
Better luck next time
Guess I've only one regret
That I didn't get to know you better than I did

I Am Slowly Going Crazy...

Do you remember that song?
I am slowly going crazy... 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch....

I've been having this creepy deja vu feeling lately... I think it's the year and the unknown looming in my future. I feel like I'm a senior in high school again... was I really 17 four years ago?! That's too weird.

I've been spending quite a bit of time with my headphones plugged into my laptop, listening to my mp3s.
When I was in high school, I used to put CDs on in my room, lie on the floor next to my sound system, and close my eyes. It's always been my way to relax and escape reality.

I've been doing it so much lately, I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to get back into reality. I've kind of been wandering around in the clouds for a few months now.
I hate that, with every passing day, I feel like I know less and less about the real world. It's just one big mystery, and I might as well admit right now that I never have any idea what I'm doing.
Ever. I just make things up. There, now you know the truth. Ha.

The Great Divide

Have you ever been faced with a choice between two things that you know will have a lot of large, annoying consequences if you choose the thing you really want?
Doesn't that just suck?

I've rediscovered that "It's My Life" song by Bon Jovi. That was my theme song for a lot of my senior year of high school... and I hadn't listened to it since... until now, that is. So it's weird, because I seem to be faced with a number of similar choices and feelings this year.

Down with consequences. Why can't I just live my life? Hmm...
I should take a shower.

More Song Lyrics, Because I Can

Just a note... if you missed the other random song lyrics post....
Sometimes, I'm sitting here with my headphones on, and some line or phrase of some song makes me think or remember something important to me. Some of those times, I feel a strange urge to write the lyrics down. Why not here?
So here I go again...

I Want You - Savage Garden (Yeah, I know, it's kind of a ridiculous song)

Any time I need to see your face,
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where
your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter
in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola

I don't need to try and explain;
I just hold on tight
And if it happens again I might move
so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face
of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want to

Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out

I'm the kind of person who endorses
a deep commitment
Getting comfy, getting perfect
is what I live for
But a look, then a smell of perfume
It's like I'm down on the floor
And I don't know what I'm in for

Conversation has a time and a place
In the interaction of a lover and a mate,
But the time of talking,
using symbols, using words
Can be likened to a deep sea diver
Who is swimming with a raincoat

Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out

Any time I need to see your face,
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where
your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter
in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chic-a-cherry cola

I don't need to try and explain;
I just hold on tight
And if it happens again I might move
so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face
of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want to

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
So can we find out?

Because I Should Be Doing Homework

HI! I have a lot of things to do tonight. It makes sense that I'm writing in here instead. Shut up, you know you'd do it too.

I'm really tired today. I need to catch up on sleep. For some reason, I've been having a hard time getting to sleep the past few nights. I need to start excersizing again, but I think I should wait until I'm completely healthy (I'm so close!). Also, many mornings, Becky's jarringly-loud alarm goes off... and keeps going off... until she actually wakes up... and turns it off and goes back to sleep, while I lie there startled and completely awake. (Becky, if you're reading this, it's meant to be funny... do not be offended and do not change your alarm!) I'm just a much lighter sleeper than she is.

I did get up earlier than she did today. Had to shower. I haven't taken a morning shower in quite a while. That is very weird, considering how anal-retentive I used to be about showering before leaving the room. What a turn around! I'm so very glad I've discovered the world of sweatpants, ponytails, and hats. It's glorious.

Today, I (along with Heather, Jackie, and some other Soc kids) met with a professor from St. Thomas to discuss Elizabeth (she's up for her third year review). It was so cool! It was also the first time I really felt like one of those seniors who has good friends in her major and knows all of her profs... y'know, someone the profs will remember for more than 5 seconds after graduation. I never thought I'd make it here. I remember going to some department meeting as a freshman and staring wide-eyed at those "old" seniors who could bullshit with (gasp!) Rich. I sat in the back. No one knew my name. I can't believe it's almost over.
But no scary graduation talk right now...

Elizabeth is so wonderful, and I'm very grateful to have had the opportunity to talk her up and gush about how great she is. She's written so many letters of recommendation for me... I definitely owed it to her. Honestly though, I don't know how Soc majors functioned before her! She has saved my sanity so many times! What an amazing woman. It's crazy that so many other people feel the same way about her. I hope she knows how many lives she has touched.

We had our first full-member AKD meeting this afternoon... you've never lived until you've tried to lead a meeting with J***. OMG! (Yes, this experience deserves an 'OMG'... a phrase I rarely use.) It was informal, and we didn't have all that much to say... but trying to lead any meeting with J*** is like trying to lick your elbow while hopping on one foot on a balance beam and humming The Star Spangled Banner. I feel bad for the girl, but damn.

So here I sit... I really should be doing homework. I have to lead discussion for my Sex & Science class on Friday... I really should be planning that - it's a big deal.
Instead, I find myself thinking about everything but homework. But that's normal for me these days... why think about homework when you can think about
-graduation
-finding a job
-finding an apartment (thanks, Heather, for the books)
-how I need to exersize (this commonly happens after watching Sex & the City)
-men/love/relationships/how I will be single and lonely for the rest of my life (dammit)/how I wish I knew what men were thinking
-my future plans (or lack thereof)
-graduation-job-apartment-men-exersize-stop-eating-leftover-cookies-from-AKD-meeting-
(stop, take a breath)

In high school, my spanish name was 'Fiera' - which means 'wild beast'..
It was very empowering.
I think I may have to become La Fiera again to locate my lost confidence and motivation.

I Am Thankful For...

Becky and I went to the mall and then to Perkins today. On the way home, In the Waiting Line, by Zero 7 (aka the coolest, sexiest, most amazing song on the planet) was ON THE RADIO. I have never heard that song on the radio before.
Don't you just LOVE when that happens... when you randomly shut off your CD or change the station and (gasp!), there's THE song you want to hear... It's doubly cool when the song is one that never gets any radio time.
Thanks Cities 97! You made my night.

Also, while in Target, Becky and I discovered that the clearance make-up section actually had some good stuff. I got two lipsticks - one for $1.60 and the other for $2.50... and it's GOOD stuff.
I really needed to get the hell off campus.

Kristen just called. She just took a bad test & wants to go to the bar. I think I might have to go.
I'll wear my new lipstick.