I have lost my train of thought

It's still raining.
Yesterday, I woke up with horrible gut rot (note to self: don't drink a bottle of champagne and 3 Mikes in one night ever again).
Went to Panera with Jackie and Heather. They ask me if I want to go to IKEA with them, and I have to say no because I'm meeting my brother at 4:30 and still have to shower and drive there.

Then I went home to meet my brother and go with him to a movie in the MSP International Film Festival at the Oak St Theater.

Here's how the rest of the night progressed:
First he called and said he can't make the 5:30 show - so instead of meeting him at 4:30 meet him at 6. Then he called again - don't come at 6, come at 6:30. Fine fine.
I met him at 6:30... then we went to the theater, and no one knew what was going on. We figured out where to buy tickets and then had to wait outside in the rain for 20 minutes, because the theater people were running late. My brother ran into a guy also waiting there who he knew from high school. They talked about a bunch of people they used to know or still know from HS (my brother graduated 12 or so years ago). The guy kept saying "it's pretty ridiculous" or "it was pretty ridiculous" after every story he told. It was like a nervous tick or something.

Once we got inside the theater and sat down, it was another while before the movie started.
So the movie's playing, and I have NO idea what it's about and I feel really stupid like I shouldn't be at a movie in the International Film Fest because I'm not smart enough.

There are these divers swimming around in the water - and you can tell it's really deep because the water's all dark and they have flashlights.
Then there's weird solo viola music... a few sentences of narration in English and then a lot of talking in a different language I didn't recognize. This swimming around goes on for a looong time.
Then it cuts to this Asian guy sitting in someone's living room and talking about colonizing another planet and how the ideal utopian colony would look like a shopping mall.
Then it cuts to a different guy standing outside in front of some abandoned building with columns like the parthenon and he's saying "so where are all the shoppers?"
And I'm just like WTF?
Just as I'm starting to drift off into a daydream about where I'm going to go after I quit my job this summer, the movie cuts back to the divers.... and then the screen goes blank and the speakers make this noise like a record player slowing down becauese it has been accidentally unplugged.

Some guy from the theater runs up to the front of the room and announces that the reels were unmarked when they came in and they're out of order and it'll be 5/10 minutes to get it fixed up so he hopes that we can wait and they're offering free soda at the consessions stand.

So we sit and wait for 15 minutes and I read all of the short summaries of all the other movies showing at the Festival in my program.

The guy comes back and says that, not only are the reels out of order, they're also not wound properly and it's going to take them another 10/15 minutes to fix that... so, they are cancelling tonight's showing and will be handing out free tickets to ANY other movie showing at the Fest - even good for shows during "Best of the Fest."

So we file out of the theater and get our free little tickets. Jay's all hyper and is like "do you want to go to a different movie? or get something to eat? or we could go back to my apartment and have our own film festival! I have a bunch of documentaries!" (Actually, I think he owns every movie ever made.)
At this point, I'm so tired because the previous night I went to bed at 3am and got up at 8am. I vote for going back to the apartment.

After we get there, I curl up on the futon with a blanket, and my crazy brother shuffles through all of his movies (hundreds).... "Do you want to watch this? Or maybe this? Oh, this one's a classic - have you seen it? You have to see it. Oh have you seen this one? It's autographed by the guy who did the sound. How about this one?" Etc, etc... for 20 minutes.
Finally, I pick Dark City because I thought I hadn't seen it. After it started I realized I had seen at least some parts of it, and then I proceed to fall asleep for a majority of the movie.

I finally get home and to sleep about 1am. And Jay e-mails me today's movie schedules for the Fest because he wants to use the free tickets, but all I want to do today is sit on my ass and be pathetic (doing a good job so far).

Sheesh.

I did borrow THX 1138 from him - some really old George Lucas flick that I think I'll like because it's about people being controlled by drugs... or something like that.

Freefalling

At work…

I just bought tickets to the Tom Petty/Pearl Jam concert.
That was exhilarating!
I am so excited!!

Also so very grateful to Megs and DL for volunteering to go with me – even though they’re probably aware that I’ll be singing and yelling like a lunatic through the entire concert. (Thank you thank you thank you!)

It’s pretty amazing – after this concert, I will have seen four of my favorite artists within a year’s time – two of them for free!

Good thing though – because the two that weren’t free cost a bit more than most people are willing to pay for concerts… buuut I am willing to pay quite a bit for good, loud music and a good show.

Laura wins!

I did it! I figured it out!

I.... registered for classes! All by myself! (Well, sort of... but that's not the point.)

I'm all set to start the semester now. I guess this means I'm a real grad student, huh?
That's crazy.
All of my classes are in the late afternoon - that'll take some getting used to. I'm betting I'll be TAing in the morning (and writing papers and studying).

I AM SO EXCITED!

Wow... I never thought I'd write "TAing/writing papers/studying" and then write "I AM SO EXCITED" immediately afterwards.
This is just so cool.

Something good

(This was written at about 2:30 this afternoon - at work with nothing to do.)

Today, after a several day hiatus, I spent my lunch break at Barnes & Noble.
It’s a little past 2pm now, so I just returned from lunch, and I am SO surprised at how much better I feel!

I walked through the doors, pausing in the entryway where the air is always the warmest (it’s a bit brisk outside today), and proceeded directly to the café counter. Lorraine smiled at me and asked “the usual?” Yes, Lorraine not only recognizes me – she also smiles and remembers my favorite drink. It’s so neat! Sometime during my last week of work, I’m going to in there and give her like a $5.00 tip, just for being cool.

After I got my chai, I got lost in the isles of books.
Here’s a rundown of some of the great stuff I found…

- “50 Boyfriends Worse than Yours” – now, some of you may be wondering “When and where did she find a boyfriend, and is he so horrible that she has to take solace in this book?”

Never fear, I am still a sharp, saucy single. I thought I’d page through the libro to see what I’m NOT missing in the world of dating. Interestingly enough, several of my male friends have “qualities” very similar to the 50 boyfriends in the book, and up until now, I haven’t ever thought to consider these qualities bad. (Fortunately, I do not have any friends who own large scary animals, wear expensive goth makeup, or have a “Jesus” beard.)

- Catstrology – astrology for your cat?! During my 5-second page through of this book, I found that it has entire chapters devoted to each astrological sign, explaining your cat’s behavior and personality, according to the stars. There was also a chart that compared your sign with your cat’s to let you know how compatible you are with your feline friend.

(Also on this table were magazines titled “Catmopolitan” and “Dogue”…. Not funny.)

- Thumb wrestling – this book comes complete with two holes so you and an opponent can wrestle until your joints hurt and contains 4 or 5 different versions of the thumb wrestling game.

- Collegehumor.com has a book “Selling your Kidneys for Beer, Sleeping with your Professors, Majoring in Communications, and other good ideas to have in College” (or something like that). I was going to buy it for my Comm major friends – but it was large and hardcover (read: too expensive).

-Other fun titles:
- The Picture Travel Guide to Afghanistan – including picture descriptions of

“Russian tank” (stuck in the mud), “Teenager,” and “Marijuana”
- 101 Reasons to be Glad You’re Irish
- 100 Things People Used to Know How to Do (thatch a roof, make hard cheese, take care of rope, build a log cabin – to name a few).

- One book I’d actually like to buy is the Tom Petty biography

I left the store, empty chai cup in hand, smiling and feeling refreshed. I’m trying to learn how to appreciate the good things in my life, no matter how small they are. It was a good hour.

Slogan Generator

So I'm on this website called "The Advertising Slogan Generator" where you can type in a word, hit "sloganize," and you'll get your very own Ad slogan! (Randomly picked by the computer, of course).
Okay, I'm making it sound cooler than it actually is. It's really not fun at all - I'm just really bored.
Here are some that it has given me (the italicized word is the word I put in box):

We don't make biatch, we make biatch better!

Laura - it does a body good.

Get the door - it's Dumbass.

Nobody better lay a finger on my dude.

Power Ranger Wanted.

Choosy mothers choose wine.

Allllllright. I'm done now.

A Good Investment?

The other day, Jackie and I were discussing the fact that we were both in "Chorus" in 6th grade. It wasn't called "Choir" - it was "Chorus." I cannot recall what prompted this discussion. We must've been talking about singing or how we can't sing or something.

Today, when I plugged Jack (iPod) into my computer, he was updating his files, and I realized I've spent quite a bit of money downloading songs on iTunes. Not a ridiculous amount, but still more than I'd thought. I wondered for a brief moment if I am wasting my money. Should I be spending it on things that are more important or necessary - like food?
Should I regret this and try to stop?

No, no and no.

I've realized that music is my saving grace. I think back to how I used to lie on the floor next to my speakers at home and listen to the old Goo Goo Dolls CD whenever I was upset - it would always help me breathe easier...
And then there's how I used to get lost in my head, tapping out rhythms with my Ralph Hardimans in high school. God, I miss that.
Or now when I've learned to deal with my commute to and from work - and sometimes even enjoy it - because it's my only time to turn up my music and drown myself in the bass.
I don't know what I'd do without music. I love that I haven't had a favorite band since 6th grade. I love that there is so much to love!
I sincerely believe that music is the universal language (not math - sorry).
I am becoming a music junkie, and that makes me very proud.

WOOO!

Why I need help

I have had that song from Pocahontas - that "Colors of the Wind" song - stuck in my head for at least 5 months now.
Serious!
I'll be walking down the hall from the break room back to the office and my mind will say
"You think you own whatever land you land on..." - but I won't think it in song form, I think it like it's a spoken sentence. I think I actually said it out loud one time.

The beginning of this song just pops into my head every few days! I never know when it's going to happen. There's no warning! I never get past the first stanza, either.

I haven't seen the movie Pocahontas since... okay, I don't remember the last time I saw Pocahontas, but I know I haven't seen it in at least the last 3 years.

This is not normal.

The Farm

I probably should be sleeping. But I have something to say, and I don't want to lose my train of thought.
I really love my family.
I think that's the first time I've ever written that sentence and meant it. I'm talking about my extended family, too!

Yesterday (also known as Easter), we had a big gathering at "the farm" in RF. Massive amounts of food (over half of the dishes were desserts) and massive amounts of chaos.
I don't even really feel like writting about the whole day. It was just very refreshing to get together with all of them. We hadn't done it in a while - not since my grandpa had his heart attack a few years ago... but now he's well enough - and the farm is a five minute walk from my grandparents' house - so the games have begun again.

Highlights: my uncle bouncing balled-up candy wrappers off the table and into the butter dish (he's almost 60 years old)... my grandfather losing his hearing aid battery and all of my relatives crawling around under the tables like idiots for 45 minutes looking for it - I have some great blackmail pictures. (Grandpa found the battery in his shirt later when he went home!)...
My mom and her three siblings having a badass time making fun of each other and looking at the pictures of boys in dresses on my digital camera, and my little cousin writing everyone a invitation to her birthday party on a giant packet of post-it notes (a longer story and funnier than it seems in writing).
Oh... and... AND... NO ONE asked me if I was dating anyone/engaged yet!!!! YAAAHOOO!!

I didn't go to church, I didn't do any praising the lord (Lord?), I didn't read any Bible versus. I know Easter is supposed to be a religious holiday. Perhaps I celebrated incorrectly. Or perhaps I did.
Perhaps I don't care.
It is my life, and I just didn't feel like following the rules.

I don't talk to my family all that much outside of major holidays. Maybe I should.

This post doesn't get even close to the heart of what I'm feeling. At least it's documented.

Andre

Today gave my notice at work. I didn't cry. I'm pretty damn proud of myself, considering what a messed up week it has been. So now they know... well, some of them. I just told the two big bosses - the only two men who work at this office. Imagine me calling a meeting with the two important men in the company, and then sitting at a conference room table and informing them that I'm quitting. Scary.
But not really.
Mike and Tim are really awesome. They offered me their congratulations and thanked me for the early notice. Tim even asked me a few questions about the UWM program and the school.
*TREMENDOUS sigh of relief*
Hot damn.
Hmm...

I just reviewed the course listings on the Soc webpage - I register on Wednesday... as in April 19th. Yikes! Fortunately, I only have to pick one class... otherwise the semester is pretty much laid out for me... here's what they "suggest"...

· 700 Proseminar in Sociological Inquiry (3 credit hours)

· 750 Research Methods (3 credit hours)

· *Elective (3 credit hours) <-- this is what I get to CHOOSE

· [Sociology TAs only: 794 Proseminar: The Teaching of Undergraduate Sociology (Ahhhh! Me? Teach??)

I actually saw my roommate this afternoon. I think he realized I'd been in crisis mode all week, so he suggested that we take a walk to MGM (yes, the liquor store) and catch up. Very nice of him, especially since it almost made him late for Thai dinner with the gf.

Mmmmm... Thai food.
Anyway, we bought a bottle of strawberry Andre and are going to drink it some evening next week on our yet-to-be-scheduled "roommate night." I can't wait! Adam is the only person I know who is as insane as I am. I wish we had more time to hang out - maybe then I wouldn't feel excessively crazy all the time.

I got my hair cut yesterday night... after I got a free smoothie at Jamba Juice and new contact lense solution (I don't want the ReNu fungus!).

No plans tonight. I might walk to Whole Foods and buy myself some flowers.

One time I went to Whole Foods with my brother and he yelled at the girl in the bakery because they didn't sell M&M cookies. (Whole Foods = no artificial colors!) He was seriously mad about this. Hilarious.

Happy Birthday KG!

Today is Kristen's birthday. I was over at her apt earlier w/a few other people. Sounds like she had a really awesome day, which is cool because she totally deserves it.
She seems much happier now than she used to be - ever - in the five years I've known her. (Wow, has it really been five years?!)
It's pretty sweet.

I've decided that tomorrow's the day I'm going to tell "work" that I'm quitting. Slightly queasy.

And that's all.

Watch out

I have decided to stop thinking about things that matter. We'll see how long this lasts. There's just too much to think about.
Here's a snapshot of Laura's mind at any given moment of this past week:

how do I tell work that I'm quitting without everyone hating me and not losing my PTO//katie's graduation present//jay's wedding is coming up//my crack whore sister is pregnant and dad is freaking out//i need to eat in more to save money//why am i bleeding?//why does this doctors office suck?//is the story about the deaf guy getting smushed by a tree really that funny?//i am probably going to hell//i miss my Madison friends//i miss all of my friends//i'm really scared about next year//actually i'm really excited about next year//okay, i'm excited and scared//what if i don't find a roommate - can i really live by myself//why do all men hate me?//i think i'm paranoid//i think i'm going to be alone forever and that sucks//i wish i had one really good, close friend who would be okay with me even if i disclosed all my secrets//people like that don't exist//i hope my east coast trip this summer works out, but that depends on the baby, the crack whore, and the rest of my family cooperating//somewhere i lost myself... probably along 494 during my morning commute.

My stomach is cold and I need a hug. Yes, that's right, feel sorry for me! Now.

Friday

Today, I had a meeting over lunch with a client... at the Mall of America... in the food court.

Yep.

I got paid to drive to the Mall of America and then sit in the food court for an hour.

Is this funny to anyone else? After the meeting, I almost went to the Starbucks and bought a chai... then my conscience kicked in and I drove back to the office.

Now I'm off to RF to steal some of my sister's pictures, copy them at Target, and then put them back right where they were - all part of my massive plan to make her one glorious graduation gift that will prove my coolness as a big sister.

I think I like Depeche Mode.

Seriously...

I've been writing up blog posts at work in Word documents and then sending them to myself via e-mail with the intent to post them on here. (I can't have the blog window up at work.)
So far, none of them have made it onto the blog. I get home and read over them and their either too stupid or too personal.
It's raining and my stomach hurts. Seriously, it really hurts.
It wasn't a good day.
Today I had my first face-to-face with our new general manager. I ended up walking out because I was crying too hard and couldn't form sentences.
Yeah, you read that right.
It was great.
And that was sarcasm.
It was actually really horrible and embarassing.
It wasn't anything he did... well, besides making me talk about my job.
My job = frustrating and ridiculous.
I cannot figure out life.
I'm sitting on the couch now with a bunch of candles (they're not on the couch, just nearby) and I think I'm going to watch a movie. I haven't done this in like three weeks. Wow.
I have so much more to say, I just don't really feel like typing.

The End of the World

Sorry, I don't know of anyone who hasn't seen this yet...

and I've seen it more times than I'd like to admit...

but I'm putting it in here anyway...

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php

... fucking kangaroos.