News?

I wish that 24 wasn't such a popular show... and I wish that it wasn't on Fox... then I'd feel a little less guilty and ridiculous for liking the show so much. Oh well. Go Kiefer!

Had my 2nd Pilates class this evening. Found out I actually do still have abdominal muscles - or something resembling them. Going to be sore tomorrow. It was nice to go though.

I switched hours with my supervisor for tomorrow - I have to go in at 7.... which means I have to get up at 5:15am. On the bright side, I'll be done at 4pm - I'll get one more hour of daylight! I should celebrate or something. Maybe I'll be inspired and find something fun to do.

Today is my roommate's birthday. I decorated his room with bright purple crepe paper. I really don't have any idea why... I was just wandering around on my lunch break and walked into "Party America" to find something random and funny. Ended up with purple crepe paper... which probably isn't all that funny or random. I could've done a lot better, I think. But it'll do. It's funny to me.

I got a note from UWM today. They're ready to begin reviewing my application. That's all I've heard from any school lately. It's still early. I'm not banking or planning on anything. Very difficult because I'd really like to have SOME idea of what I'll be doing in the near future. Seems like it's out of my hands. A lot of "if/then" possibilities. Wow, let's see how many sentence fragments I can write. I suck at English.

I really don't want to get up at 5am tomorrow morning. Worried that I won't be able to fall asleep early enough.
Wow, that's a really stupid thing to worry about. How to I stop myself from worrying about stupid things? Is there a self-help book on that? (Actually, I know there is... I admit I have browsed the self-help section on one or two of my lunch breaks at Barnes.)

I still have the TV on after 24... Damn Fox news. I am losing brain cells by watching this crap. I'm sorry Robyn Robinson... but you seriously just stuttered for like 10 seconds over Al Zawahiri's name. Wow, that was hilarious! I don't even know what she said about him - I was laughing so hard.

Dag yo.
Okay, I'm done.

Friends, Family, & a Freak out

Life! I seem to be constantly on the verge of craziness or tears these days. Yesterday I drove back to RF to get away from my life. It was a nice distraction, but things there were getting on my nerves... like Dad's constant hovering, and the way that Katie once again disappeared with AJ as soon as I got there.

I generally feel bad and guilty for dumping my issues on other people. I know I've written about this before. I didn't want to bring anything up at home... the only person I'd talk to there would be Mom, but she seemed pretty tired and stressed herself.
I left there today still feeling upset and crazy and alone... and mad because all of these feelings are my own fault.
Drove home... in the sticky rain/snow shit, trying to avoid semi's, music blaring, mentally going through my list of phone numbers, trying to find one I felt comfortable enough to call... I'd go through them one by one, thinking about each one until I found a reason why I *couldn't* call it. I am ridiculous.

I get home, unpack, realize I left my glasses at my parents' house... call my mom to see when we can meet so I can get them, and have a slight breakdown on the phone. She decides she's going to come and drop the glasses off tonight. I tell her she doesn't have to, that it's snow/raining, but she insists.
Okay.

I turn on the computer to see what I have missed in the past day and a half of no internet (not much). I did have a good conversation about drugs (among other things) on AIM... funny stuff. Helped me destress a bit.

Mom came over, insisted that we wash the pile of dishes in the sink... this gave us a good opportunity to have a real talk. It was so nice of her to drive over here - when she could only stay for an hour - just to make sure I was okay (when she'd already seen me for half the weekend)! I'm really lucky to have her around. I need to remember that it's okay to open up.

Free Stuff... and other stuff

Today, I hit up the Walker (as in the art museum) - it's free on Thursday nights. I've been to the Guthrie before, but I'd never actually walked through the museum. It was pretty great. Hooray for art.

Tomorrow, I'm (hopefully) going to see the ice sculptures at the St. Paul Winter Carnival... *hopefully* because they may or may not be melted by that time... considering how warm it was today. Either way, I get to hang out with Megan, and Megan is cool, so it will be fun.

I'd planned to write more when I signed in to this... now I don't really feel like it.

Thoughts of the day

Becky is the coolest girl in the world, and she can talk me out of any funk if I just give her the chance.

I like cheap community ed classes.

24 is a great show.

I know nothing about electronics.

My fingernails hurt. (Long story.)

I miss free time. I miss craziness. I miss intensity.
I miss love.

I am confused and intimidated by all of the choices I face, but I realize that I'd much rather have these choices than have no choice at all.

I am a jelly donut

Too many things happened this week. I kept thinking about writing in here, and then I didn't, because by the time I thought of it, I was too tired to write anything decent.
Now, after four days of chaos, here is a brief overview of what's up... I'm too lazy to go into details.

Tuesday: Adam and I are actually home at the same time in the evening. I putz around online for a little while and SuperTom figures out how to send me pictures via cell phone. I now have the Cape May Lighthouse as my cell background - which is SO COOL. I'm a little bit crazy about CM these days. The lighthouse is so great, it's in this really amazing park with a fun little beach and a museum.
Around 8ish, Adam and I decide to walk over to the Kosher drive-thru Starbucks that just opened down the road. I get my chai and we sit and talk for a few hours. I feel like I need everyone to know how grateful I am to know Adam, and THANK GOD we realized at 17 that we're much better friends and should NEVER date (what a disaster that was!). I was having some "issues" with work and friends and la vida in general, and while I don't feel like I need to dump my problems on other people... on Tuesday, I just needed to talk for my own sanity... and I think Adam is pretty much the only person I know who is as crazy as I am... and no matter what I say/how crazy I sound, he won't ever think any less of me.

Wednesday: I found my way up to the treadmill again, was all proud of myself about that. Then I came back to the apt. After I stretched I put on my pajamas (at like 8pm) and settled in on the wonderful middle cushion on the couch to watch The Brothers Grimm. (Interesting movie... not sure what to think of it yet.)

Thursday: Massive breakdown at work. I felt ridiculous, but I actually think (in hindsight) that it may have been worthwhile. Now people are realizing how unbelievably stressed I am with everything.
That night, Jackie called. We went to Dunn Brothers. Then we went and... drove around in her car... (Heather actually drove). Then we went back to their place and hung out with the Heather/Bjorn hookah... after I ate like a pound of Doritos. HOOKAH (what a great word). I'd never experienced that before, and I must admit, it was glorious and hilarious and I was unreasonably happy for the rest of the night.
Hookah.
Hookah.

Friday (or, today): Work, work. Buuut, it was dead in the office and the big boss was out on vacation in Vegas. My supervisor sent Lauren to Panera to get us bagels in the morning. That was pretty cool.
After work I drove in megatraffic to Kristen's, picked her up, then drove in more megatraffic to eat (Potbelly's) and then to IKEA, where we power walked (not on purpose... we just knew what we were getting) through the whole store.
We stopped by Caribou to visit Adam, then we went to Byerly's. Kristen bought some amazing-looking raspberry torte-thing. I bought seedless red grapes.
Then it was back to Kristen's for four episodes of The Office. (Great show... Steve Carrell is hilarious and sick and twisted.)

Tomorrow: Kristen told me she'd only go to IKEA with me if I'd go to a "jewelry party" with her tomorrow... some lady from GM is throwing it.
Otherwise... I might do some laundry... I'll probably eat some stuff. OH! Maybe I'll go back to Byerly's for sample day.
I'm actually supposed to go 'out' tomorrow night... like, probably to a bar! Wow. I hope I can stay awake past midnight.

Deuce Bigalow

So last weekend, my Dad gave me that Deuce Bigalow, European Gigalo movie to watch... a bunch of "the guys" (his friends from Menards) lent him some DVD's when my mother and sister went to FL for a soccer tournament. He hadn't returned this one yet, and so he thought that I could watch it... or something.
I have absolutely no desire to watch this movie, but now, I feel like I have to... because he's going to ask me how I liked it when I give it back.

Work is still massively chaotic. I need a vacation. Too bad I only have 9 hours of PTO right now.

The Ridiculousness that is my Job

Today at work:
- the computer systems went down... twice
- our phonelines were disconnected - as in the 800 numbers that our customers call. (I work in a call center... this was BAD).
They were disconnected by accident... we realized what was going on at 10am. By the time I left at 5, they still were not fixed. BAD.

It was just one problem after another with our client today (the one for which I am the primary contact). (They could call us on our local number.)

That office is just filled with ridiculousness! AHH!

On a happy note, JACK'S BACK! The season opener of 24 aired last night... well, half of it. The other half is on tonight! I'm so excited!!! This is the one show that I can say I'm addicted to... I may need to go buy all of the previous seasons on DVD... because I want to.

This is the end.

Saved by Sweat

I found it. Yesterday morning, as I teetered on the brink of insanity, stressed and tired of my life, I decided to put on my dusty-from-disuse work out clothes and wander up to our "work out room" on the third floor. There, I found solace in a treadmill older than my sister... (for those of you who don't know, she's 18.)
For a while now, I've been feeling the need to find a gym. Last year, the only thing that saved me from going completely bonkers was Lund. Not that I went all the time... far from it... I am not an exercise junkie.

Anyway, I hung out with the treadmill for about a mile yesterday (and a mile and a 1/2 this morning... woohoo, look at me go). After breaking into the most glorious sweat of my life, I came back here and stretched. I felt so good to know that I do still have some muscle in my legs, and I hadn't realized how much I missed my little ''work out'' mix CD.

All day yesterday, I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I am completely amazed. It's like all of my bottled up angry emotion was forced out of my pores, and I can breathe again. Sorry, that's a gross mental picture.

I'm still confused about my life, and I really don't want to go to work tomorrow... I'd rather be moving to Boston or Portland or Athens or some other great city... but still, I can't believe how much better I feel right now.

Unfortunately, I won't have time to do this kind of thing on weekday mornings, and after I get home from work, I think that treadmill is generally occupied - and the entire exercise room consists of the treadmill, a cycling machine, and a weight lifter thing... not too many options.
I'll figure something out. My pilates class starts next week, so that'll help. And hey, before I know it, it'll be consistently warm enought to run around outside.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
And on that note, I need to shower.

Byerly's

Today was sample day at Byerly's (as is every Saturday). Heavenly. I found organic tomato soup that's pretty awesome.

I'm really really liking U2's "Pop" cd that I got for Christmas.

Jen and Meg just left... we had another girls night... dinner, coffee, Sex and the City. Good times.

Random random.

I love community education classes

I just wanted to say that I feel a lot better after writing that last entry... it was like I was talking to someone.
I went on an adventure to the Embassy Suites in Bloomington this evening. Very cool place... there's a jungle inside. I want to stay there overnight. I met my friend Dan there, before he had to deal cards for some gigantic party for Best Buy employees.

I just signed up online for more community ed classes. I'm taking Thai cooking!!! Feb 1st at 6pm if anyone would like to join me... I LOVE THAI FOOD.
I also signed up for Pilates "with Marlene"... runs next Monday through the third Monday in March. Hooray for physical activity. I feel way too sedentary these days. I'm not sure who Marlene is, but this will be good... and it was CHEAP.

Senior Seminar - nostalgia and then a long rant about life

Today on my lunch break, I went to Perkins. I brought my journal along. It has been a long, very stressful week - mostly because of my job. I wanted to just sit and write for a while in a slower-paced restaurant.
As soon as I opened the journal, I had this great big overpowering flashback of my last semester at GAC... and my senior seminar project for which I spent a number of hours sitting by myself at the Perkins in Mankato.
Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever miss Senior Seminar... the tiny classroom, the small desks, me falling asleep with my head against the back wall... Suz rambling on about how to do research, wondering where the TV went to... and then asking for volunteers to meet the next candidate for her job during her sabatical... and then Heather, Jackie and I all raising our hands at the same time... Yeah, okay, I knew I'd miss the class.
This morning, as was listening to U2's ''Pop'' cd on my commute to work, I glanced at the clock - 7:34am. Then I recalled with sadness my years spent at Gustavus when "getting up early" meant 7:45 - and that was only when I wanted to shower for my 9am.
Then there were the times when I could stop back to my room between classes, hang out in the caf, grab some coffee, or sit outside in the sun... all during daylight hours... because I wasn't confined to a goddamn desk in front of a goddamn computer all fricking day.

Honestly, work isn't going so well right now, and I think that's why I'm missing my old college life schedule so much.
My supervisors have figured out that I'm smart (enough), I work hard, and I get things done... so they've given me 10 times the work to do. Now I have piles of projects, I also handle ALL customer complaints and all complaints/issues from our main client. Seriously... I cannot do all of this! It's not humanly possibly. I've told a few people about this - and they laugh at me. "Oh Laura, it's not that bad/you'll get it done/just talk to your boss and they'll shift some of the work load.''
Um, NO... okay... you don't understand. It IS that bad. I WON'T get it done. And Mike will NOT shift any of the work load because there's no where else for it to go! He doesn't trust anyone else to get it done, I guess.
I sincerely feel that they are taking advantage of me, and I don't know what to say.
But I hate it. I'm mad and stressed all the time.
And yeah, yeah, I know... it's all how you look at it, right? But this is fucking ridiculous! This is how it is and it's ridiculous!
I'm such a novice to the working world too... I have no idea how to go about asking for a break in the workload... or a job description (I don't have one).

I'm sorry... something in my brain snapped today. I'm just sick of bullshit and I'm going to freak out about it... right now, while I'm alone in my apartment (the best time - this way I won't bother anyone).
I want to move... somewhere... get some random job... try again. I hate feeling lost and confused. I'm mad at myself thought too... perhaps I wouldn't be freaking out right now if I could re-learn how to communicate with people.
I'm not sure how it happened, but sometime in the past year, I stopped talking. I feel like no one needs to hear me bitch about my stupid little problems. I'd rather not waste anyone's time, especially when I can generally deal with things on my own. However, there are the times when I'm feeling really down... I used to know who to call at those times... or, I felt safe/confident enough to call people because I knew they wouldn't hold my own craziness against me. Everyone's nuts every once in a while, right?
Now I don't know who to call. I'm sure I have people programmed into my cell phone who would listen to me if they knew I needed someone to listen... I have some wonderful friends. I just feel like I've forgotten how to talk. Every once in a while I'll try, but then it ends up like "well, actually, it's not that big of a deal/I'm just tired/I'll be fine." It's just too hard to explain what's in my head, and I don't want to use people just because I need to talk about dumb things that won't matter in a year.

Then I think, this is driving me crazy, maybe I should just call someone and vent... even if I KNOW it's stupid... just so I can settle down. Then I flip open my phone, scroll through all the numbers in my phone book... and close the phone.

Aaaand look at me rant. God, I'm ridiculous. (Even though I'm not really religious... at all... I still feel guilty when I write "God" like that. Weird.)
Anyway, I'm stopping now.

Road Runner

Newest goal in life: find a decently priced record player & buy it
I scoured Road Runner earlier this evening for cheap, good, used music. I ended up with 8 records for 50 cents each. I'm currently trying to convince my parents to "lend" me their old player - since it's in a closet and NOT used at all... they're hesitant... I think they really believe that they'll get it out again soon.

I bought a book by Wade Davis yesterday at Barnes. Very excited to read it. Haven't read any of his stuff in a while. He was so amazing when he spoke at GAC a few years ago. I still want his life. For those who don't know, he's an ethnobiologist/anthropologist/awesome guy who has done everything and been everywhere. See the below link for more info if you're interested.

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/council/eir/bio_davis.html

I have so much new music these days. It's great. I'm starting to get behind though... the CD's are stacking up. I guess I just need to remember to bring new ones out to the car everyday for commuting music.

Seeing Eye Dogs

"They may be drinkers, Robin, but they are also human beings."

If you haven't yet seen the original "Batman" movie with Adam West... watch it. Now.

I'm going to take a Thai cooking class on February 1st - anyone want to join me?

I do not have a coherent thought process tonight.

This is the end.

Cellular Phone Fiasco

Yesterday, after weeks of my mother worrying about her high cell phone bill, I dragged her to Woodbury to get a new plan. After talking with the girl at Best Buy, we decided NOT to go with Sprint again. I don't care if they have a large service area... they're kind of evil.
The Best Buy girl urged us to check out T-Mobile (they don't even carry TM phones at Best Buy).

After that, we spent a half hour *sitting* in the car in the Best Buy parking lot while my mother called my grandmother and asked her to look up the local TM phone number in the yellowpages. Grandma does not know anything about cell phones... she didn't know where to find the number. Also, the TM store in town is connected to the local towing company... that makes finding the number even more confusing (for Grandma, anyway).

I got frusterated and called 411 to get the 800 number. That didn't work, because I didn't know the zipcode in Woodbury.
THEN, I thought I remembered a cell phone store over by Kohl's... we drove over there... it was a Cingular store. Damn. We drove to a gas station so we could use their phone book. Mom went inside to do that, and I stayed in the car and called like 10 people to see if they could look up the number or the location of the Woodbury store for me. Apparently, no one answers their phones on Saturday afternoons.

Success... Ma came back out with the location and phone number of the TM Woodbury store. We drove there. It took about 2 full hours to set up the plan, choose the phones, and close the deal. The sales guy was very nice, and he helped us switch our sprint phone numbers onto our new TM phones. He threw in a bunch of extras for free... (I ended up with a bluetooth... for free).

Unfortunately, Mom still thinks she need to keep her Verison plan for Katie. I tried my best to convince her that it's not the best idea to have two cell phone plans, but she wouldn't budge. It was funny yesterday to watch her carry around three cell phones (her verison, old sprint, and new t-mobile).

We stopped next door at Chins Asia Fresh for some food, and I have been happily programming my new gadget ever since! I think I finally have all of my phone numbers updated.
Now I just need people to call me.

Oooh, Kate must have ESP... 'cause she just called. That was the coolest.

And I just spilled grapes all over the couch.

Ass Kicked By Giant Map

I bought a giant map of the United States.
It's going on the wall in the dining room.
I unwrapped it and got the biggest paper cut in the history of humankind.

On a brighter note, last night I went to Pizza Luce for the first time ever and it was grand. What a cute place! Good pizza too. Then to Caruso's for gelato (tiramisu and dark chocolate)... and then to the Independent for a glass of white wine (and a very creepy waitress)... all thanks to Cory calling me up randomly to hang out. Hooray for random fun.

Glad tomorrow's Thursday... it's closer to the weekend.

I also bought the funniest book today at Barnes & Noble.

Yesterday, when I bought the map and a new journal (at Barnes & Noble), I discovered that when I use my gift card, I can still use my membership discount. SO COOL.

Coffee tonight with Heather and Jackie at a location to be determined. Looking forward to the chai.

BRMC

Sometimes, it's hard to believe how completely irrational I am. What the fuck? Arrgh!

I did pick up the Black Rebel cd today for a good price. That's something.

Well, Happy New Year.
Weird. I wonder how long it'll take me before I stop writing "2005" when I date papers at work.

Kristen and I are off today... we're driving down to kato to meet Becky. Should be a good time.

I'm a little bit sad that today is the last day of the "holidays"... after this, there are no more days off for a while.
Back to the real world. No more living in a bubble of fun.

New Years Eve was a good time... from what I can remember. Yeah. Way too much wine. It also did not help that there were multiple bottles of champagne (like... 8 or 9).
The next morning, I plugged my camera into my computer to download all the pictures - I took 67. How does that happen? I hope I didn't do anything stupid. I know from the pictures that I ended up wearing one of those "happy new year" headbands - one with a lot of bright green feathers on it. Awesome.

I can't seem to stick to one topic for more than 2 seconds this morning. My head is buzzing. I think there's a lot I want to say, but I'm not thinking straight enough to make any sense. Did *that* even make sense? Seriously.