French Vanilla Pudding

It's Sunday night, and I'm finally starting to feel better. I spent most of the weekend on the couch in the living room, watching TV. Yesterday I watched Cool Runnings, Hook, and way too many episodes of Sex & the City.
I am so sick of being sick. It makes me feel pathetic and sad and helpless. I find myself wishing for someone - like a mom or a boyfriend - to take care of me. I hope this feeling better thing lasts. I'd like to be able to think clearly again.

I really need to get out of the room and off campus. I've spend almost three days in this room, venturing out only to go to the caf. Going a little bit crazy.

I made a package of french vanilla instant pudding about an hour ago. It's something I've done since high school. I love pudding. I generally can't finish a package by myself though. It's better when you have two people so that you can finish the entire thing. I saved half of it in a bowl this time.

Although I've grown to love Sex & the City, I think I should lay off of it for a while. I've been watching WAY too much. I've started to get sucked in. I've caught myself being melodramatic about love and relationships a bit too much lately, and I have a strange desire to buy expensive shoes, drink cosmos, and pick up men. Hmm.
Being sick and confined in a small room with 6 seasons of the S & C has chased away the real world. I am now in an alternate reality. Beware.

No, tomorrow, Becky and I are planning to do some shopping in Mankato and then go to Perkins (so I can start my senior sem project). That should help me remember where I am.

February is almost over!!

A Rose is a Rose?

Today I finally had to throw out my roses.

I was standing over the garbage can in the bathroom, picking out the "greenery" first - one piece at a time, until all that remained were the roses.
I took one, turned it upside down and held it up next to my face so I could look at it more closely. Some people don't like roses. Some people think they're cliche or boring... or something. Because my middle name is Rose, I've always had a good enough reason to like the actual flower.
Honestly, I've had people ask me "Why do you like roses so much?" and when I say "Well, my middle name is Rose..." they respond "OH, ok" like my answer makes perfect sense.

Even if I didn't have my excuse, I'd still love roses. As I stood in the stupid Uhler bathroom looking at my upside-down rose, I suddenly felt lost. For real. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I realized I had no idea how many petals I was looking at. It was amazing... and SO gorgeous.

I took the rose and started to peel away the petals, trying not to rip them. There were so many! They became softer and smaller and more difficult to separate. The red became so bright - it almost looked like acrylic paint. What a change from the wilted petals on the outside. The ones in the center were impossible to pull apart. Honestly, I was enthralled - I'd never seen this part of a flower.
When I was finally finished, I spread the petals across the window ledge in the bathroom.... thought I'd share them.

How many times do we miss the beauty in the world? How many times are we too busy to notice or to dig a little deeper?
It's funny, I think I learned something from a dead flower. It gives me a whole new understanding of the phrase "stop and smell the roses."

Ha-wednesday

Happy Hawednesday Everyone.
Story: I went to high school with a very eccentric (sp?) group of guys. They started the 'ha-wednesday' (Hawaiian Wednesday) tradition. They'd wear hawaiian shirts every Wednesday and say "ha-wednesday" a lot. It never got old. (Shut up, it was high school.) My best friend at the time, Kjersta (we called her KJ), always used to join in. She had a lot of hawaiian shirts.
Speaking of KJ, she was supposed to come and visit me this afternoon.
She goes to school out in Utah, so I rarely see her. (Read- I saw her twice this summer, but before that it had been two years.)
Seriously, we were BEST best friends for a while in high school... but things change after graduation.
For some reason, she's back in RF for the week. She called a few days ago and was like "WHEN can I visit you?!" I was like "Ohmigod, KJ! Wednesday!" (Ok, so it didn't go quite like that.) Anyway, she said she'd call back to get directions and all that.

She hasn't called back. (If you know KJ, you know that that's normal... crazy girl.) Generally, it's not a problem. However, this time, I'm in a bind. I can't call her back... because I don't know where she is, exactly. I don't have a number to call.

So here I sit, still sick (although I feel 10 million times better than I did yesterday... that may be because of the drugs), staring at my pile of homework (didn't do any of it yesterday).
What should I do?
Oh KJ.

I guess I'll just sit and do homework and keep my phone close by.

Anybody want to go to Noodles sometime this week? I NEED some Penne Rosa. Dude.

The Sickness Gets Worse

Today I was a waste of space.
I got up and went to my appointment at health services. There was a student nurse there learning the ropes... I was in there for over 45 minutes! They did a strep test... negative, and a flu test... also negative. She thinks I have mono, but she couldn't test for it yet, since I've only been sick for a few days. I need to come back in next week if I still feel like I'm dying. PLEASE don't let me have mono! Not this semester! Ugh.
I skipped class today to sleep. I talked to my jazz instructor, and she said that if it is mono, I'll have to drop the class. Thanks a lot Michelle Rasinko! I need this class to graduate (ARTSP). Not good. I only have one more absence left now, too.

The funny thing is, my disease is strangly similar to Kristen's bronchitis. I'm kinda betting (and hoping) I have that. (It's better than mono). We'll see.

So really didn't do anything today that is worth writing here. I slept a lot, wandered around like a zombie, somehow made it to Econo to get a perscription for my ear infection (when I get sick, I get SICK).
It's times like these that it'd be really great to have someone who could take care of me. Mom, where are you? No, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. It just sucks!

Busy day tomorrow. Let's hope I feel a little better.

MC Rocks My World!

I just wanted to give a little "shout out" to MC, who makes amazing puppy chow and brings his sick friends "family size" chicken noodle soup. Yep, that's right... soup and 4 individual bags of puppy chow - delivered all the way across campus - for me and my sickie roommates! Matt, you're the best!!!

Pass the Kleenex

I hate being sick. I started coughing this morning. Should've expected it. Kristen's been sick for over a week (bronchitis).... so has Becky (Strep? We're not sure.).
It was inevitable.
NOT COOL.
Going to health services tomorrow morning. Hopefully I won't get any worse. I took a shower and put my pajamas on... it's 7:45.
24 is on in a little bit. I missed it last week due to the Valentine's Day celebrations.

I feel lost quite a bit these days. Frusterating. Adding to that frustration is the fact that I can't tell exactly WHY. Is it because I'm graduating soon? Is it because I don't really like my classes? Do I have "senior-itis"? Who knows.
Sorry to bitch all the time.
I'll try to think of something good to write.......
hmm.....

I decided on a research topic for Senior Sem. I guess that's good. I still have to write my proposal for it. Due Wednesday.
I fixed my computer (it was also sick for a while today).
I got a package today! That's definitely a good thing. I love getting real mail. It was from the parents, of course. A lot of mail, a copy of the Onion (woohoo!), a couple books, some other weird stuff. They're funny people.

I should go get ready for the show... and eat chocolate.

Perspective

There are good days and there are bad days. It's February, so it makes sense that the majority of my days won't be so good (ask my about the February story some other time).
I have a number of big semester-long projects coming up soon. But that's not now. Right now, the only homework I have is to read a few pages for First Aid & CPR. My busy roommates are all away, Kim at basketball, Kristen at the Vagina Monologues, and Becky at the state forensics tournament at Bethel.
So what am I doing? Sitting in my workout clothes (yep, sitting), and listening to Linkin Park's Reanimation. I can't gather up the motivation to walk to Lund and run 4 miles. Not sure if it'll happen today. I probably should give my shins a rest anyway (that's a rational excuse for not working out, right?).
Anyway, I've found that it's very easy for me to get into a funk when I'm sitting in Uhler alone. Unlike other years, there are no good friends right around the corner. I can listen to my angry music and feel broken without anyone ever knowing. There's a lot of shit going on. It's so easy to let it snowball, and then I feel like I'm trapped in an avalanche and waiting for the rescue team that will not come.

SO, you're probably wondering why I'm writing all this in a blog. This is not the kind of thing people write in blogs that their friends read. Not to fear, I have a good point, and I'm not going to end this like I began it.

It's times like these when you really have to remember that you DO have good friends, even though they're not around. That you're going to have weird nights at the bar. You're going to be lonely sometimes.
You have to experience the bad to recognize the good in your life.
You also have to remember what YOU have that other people would kill for.
For instance, I have a house, I go to a good school, I have enough money to feed myself, I am not beaten or mutilated, I have a clitoris (which, I learned at the Vagina Monologues last night, has more nerve endings in it than ANY other part of any body - yep, including the penis, for all you men out there). Yeah yeah!
Seriously though, my life is really not bad at all. It really helps to put things in perspective sometimes.
Well, that's enough motivational speaking for one day methinks. I'm hungry. Maybe I'll go eat lunch again.

"Acid Junkie College Flunky Dirty Puppy Daddy Bastard"

Well hello.
My computer was sick for a few days there, and I couldn't get this page to open to update. I gave it a couple asprin and told it to rest, and now it seems to be doing fine. Haha.

So the V-day party went really well last Monday. At one point I think we had 13 girls here (if you've ever seen our room, you know that's a crowd). We had lots of wine and cheese and chocolate and of course, Hot Sex. I bought a bottle for everyone... what woman doesn't want some hot sex on Valentine's Day?! Ok, seriously, if you don't get that... it's a type of mixed drink that tastes like a chocolate milkshake with at kick.
Anyway, I was happy with the party. It's always nice to know that you have that many people interested in seeing you. Kristen's bf did come over for a bit, but they were exiled to her room. It was funny... he walked in an everyone shouted "no boys!" He looked pretty frightened. Funny.

I think I'm going to drop one of my classes. If I don't, I will honestly go insane. No joke. I begged Elizabeth to give me a .5 credit independent study today, and she did. I just have to turn in the form tomorrow morning. That will make my life significantly better.

I've been getting into the Scissor Sisters. If you haven't heard this band, come over to Uhler and I will play my CD for you. Then you will be so amazed that you'll ask me to burn you a copy. The lyrics are like nothing I've heard before (for an example, see the title of this entry). I haven't found many CDs where I actually like all of the tracks... this one comes close. Anyway, I've been listening to it so much.... along with some songs off of the Garden State soundtrack.

Going to the Vagina Monologues tomorrow night. Kristen and Kim are both performing in it. It should be good. Then Saturday is Megan's birthday. We're cooking dinner and then going to the bars somewhere. That'll be a good time.

I need to do laundry tomorrow. Oh joy. I wonder how many times I've complained about laundry in this thing. It's just SO HORRIBLE. I've been putting it off for a few days and am consequently dangerously close to having no (clean) clothes to wear.

Oh, and if you were wondering, I did figure out where the flowers came from. :) They are still happy and healthy and blooming. Hooray.

Some Song Lyrics, Because I Feel Like It

Filthy Gorgeous

When you're walkin' down the street
And the man tries to get your business
And the people that you meet
Want to open you up like Christmas
You gotta wrap your fuzzy in a big red bow
Ain't no sum bitch gonna treat me like a ho
I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess

Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cus you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me oooh, cuz you're nasty

When you're runnin' from a trick
And you trip on a hit of acid
You gotta work for the man
But your biggest moneymakers' flaccid
You gotta keep your shit together
With your feet on the ground
There ain't noone gonna listen
If you haven't made a sound
You're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy daddy bastard

Cuz you're filthy Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cus you're filthy Oooh , and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me oooh, cuz you're nasty

Thank You

Yeah, well, Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll write more later, after the entire day is over... then you can hear about our Girl's Night party that we're hosting tonight... and other things that have happened since the last time I wrote.

I just wanted to say thank you for the flowers. There was no name on the card, but I'm going to do some undercover work and figure this puppy out! I already called my mother, and she knew nothing about it. :) I think I have a good idea...

Anonymous roses on Valentine's Day are just about the best idea ever. So amazingly sweet. Seriously and honestly made my day. So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

Your only chance to eat pussy in the caf

Yeah, ok, I'm sorry if I offended anyone with the title of this post. It's an inside joke that I have with myself and the people who sell the chocolate vaginas for the WAC.

Sometimes, all I want to do is sit and watch TV and eat chocolate.

I've been annoyingly preoccupied with the anorexic blonde girls on campus. Why do I feel like I should be skinnier? Dumb.

Kristen's mom bought every season of Sex & the City, and I am consequently addicted to that show. Not a good thing since I have homework again after a long hiatus that was J-term.

This is very disorganized.

I'm not sure how much I like my schedule this semester. I suppose I should give it a few more days. It's only the third day of class.

It's almost Valentine's Day. &$*#(&#*@^&!
Yep.
I hate Valentine's Day for a couple different reasons.
1) I've never had a good Valentine's Day in my life... but I've definitely had a number of really bad ones.
2) I think it's an excuse for Hallmark and friends to make money.
3) I'm jealous of all the people that get to have good, romantic, happy Valentine's Days.
4) I want someone to send me flowers... and even though I know no one will, I'll be disappointed anyway.
5) It makes me feel pathetic that I actually care so much about one day just because it has a title... I mean, it's just like all the other days of the year, right? So why do I care?
6) Even when I try really really hard to ignore it, Valentine's Day is just constantly in my face, starting about a week before the actual date - hundreds of diamond commercials, flowers and bouquets crowding the SAO desk in the campus center, my attached friends gushing about their v-day plans.

And this is the end of Laura's rant.

One good thing that happened to me today: my 9am was cancelled. She didn't send out an e-mail, so I went to the class room... but that was okay, because I went to the library and got some homework done. Then I beat the chapel break breakfast rush. Hooray.