RIVERWEST

I live in a neighborhood called Riverwest. So far, this neighborhood is really cool. It's the only interracial area in Milwaukee (did you know that Milwaukee is one of the most segregated cities in the nation?). <-- Very interesting from the sociological perspective. Hmm.

Here are some things I like about Riverwest:

The Riverwest Co-op and Grocery Cafe
http://www.riverwestcoop.org/
It's really cute, everyone is very nice and environmentally aware, and they have good spring rolls in the cafe.

The Riverwest Gardeners Market (and all of the other markets)
http://www.milwaukeecollegelife.com/milwaukeelife/farmersmarkets.html
I went for the first time last weekend. I met a guy there who runs a mushroom farm and is also a math prof at UWM. Cool.

Fuel Cafe
http://milwaukee.about.com/od/american/a/fuelcafe.htm
If you stay too long, you will smell like cigarettes... but it's still a cool place.

Nessun Dorma
http://www.mkeonline.com/story.asp?id=269491
I went here for a drink last week. It doesn't seem all that well known, but they have an amazing beer list and "everchanging" wine list... and the food is supposed to be good too (although I haven't actually tried it yet).

There are quite a few other places I have yet to check out, such as Shi Chai (hookah lounge and meditteranean deli), a record store, video store, info shop, and a LOT of bars!

There's so much STUFF in this city. I wrote in my journal last night for the first time in three months - because the internet was down and I was so filled with happiness and excitement that I had to write about it somewhere! It was the first time I went to my journal to write about how excited, amazed, and happy I am.
I'm so excited about how BIG the world is and how much I still have to learn... amazed that I'm so positive about this new step in my life and the fact that I haven't cried yet... and happy about everything just stated and also about how I really, FINALLY made the "right" decision for me.

Seriously people, I'm bursting with postive energy, and I want to share it with everyone. Visit!

Focus

Yesterday was Soc TA orientation/training. Before that, I'd had five days of nothingness (i.e. no planned school activities) and was beginning to feel a bit anxious and bored. So in a sense, yesterday was good.
Unfortunately, yesterday was also bad. Hmm, well, okay, it wasn't horrible; now I just feel a lot more nervous about my TA position.

I got into the office (yes, the office... MY office... which I share with six other people) around 8am in a sad attempt to decorate my desk area before orientation started at 9. This "decorating" is basically just a cork/magnet board and other random things I want to hang up sitting in a pile on the corner of the desk. Go me.

At 9am, I met up with the other 1st years in the main office. We listened to the head of the department, the head of grad studies (who is also my advisor for my TA position AND teaching my PoliSoc class), and the prof who'll be teaching us how to teach undergrads. That part was okay.
Around 11, we were hearded over to Urban Studies to meet with the 2nd year TAs. (U.S. has a larger conference room... even though it is a smaller dept. Weird.) This is when things started to get a little frightening. They are a small cohort and (consequently?) a very close-knit group - I think it might be difficult to break into that circle... not that I need to. Hmm. They gave us some good pointers (although they talked too fast and I can't remember half of what was said).

THEN we went back to the Soc dept for lunch (FREE FOOD) and about an hour of socializing with the professors. It was like a swarm of loud, biting bugs. The room was buzzing so loudly that it was difficult to have a real conversation - because I couldn't hear half of what people where saying. I also had no idea if I was supposed to mingle and introduce myself to everyone. It was intimidating and I felt stupid. But I lived. I guess that's what matters.

After THAT, I met with Kent (TA advisor) and the other three TAs who will be teaching 101 with me. The actual 101 lecture class has 400 students in it (400?!?), so we need four TAs to teach all of the 25-person discussion sections.
Deciding who was going to take which discussion sections was VERY difficult. UWM is filled to capacity (enrollment wise), so the disc. sections are in all different buildings - Physics, EMS, Chem, etc, and most of the sections are back to back - in some cases it isn't possible to walk from one building to another in the 10 minute passing time. The two 2nd year TAs (Heather and Pete) started heatedly arguing about this and also about the due date of our last paper (we assign three per semester).

This was really intimidating. They kept talking about how tough the workload will be by the end of the semester - trying to grade papers and hold exam study sessions while working on our own final drafts and studying for our own tests... and how mad the students will be if we assign a paper over Thanksgiving break (even if we give them two weeks to write it). Seriously... undergrads, suck it up.

(Icandothis Icandothis Icandothis... breathe.)

Whew, okay. Later last night, I went over to Heather's place to meet some other folks in the dept. For the last few hours, it was just Heather, Pete and me (and Heather's fantastic FAT cat) hangin' out at her house. It was good in a sense that they were giving me a lot of good, honest advice about the dept... the level of honesty increased as the amout of beer consumed increased (imagine that). It was also kind of scary.

They both seem pretty disillusioned with the academia and the educational system. I feel all sparkly, excited about Sociology... and green. They told me I need to watch out for losing my excitment while I spout out what my profs want to hear and regurgitate answers over the next two years.
I was sad to hear that they both aren't as passionate about school as they were when they started the program last year. They said (in so many words) it's because the "system" is so bureaucratic (WEBER!) and they do a lot of menial tasks, don't feel like they're reaching students and haven't had any amazing, enlightening ("rich hilbert") moments to keep their batteries charged.
VERY fucking sad.

Right now I feel so passionate about school, about learning, and about Sociology. I'm scared as hell after what I heard about some of the profs... but I'm still very excited. I realize this makes me weird and that the majority of people in this world will never really care about Sociology and that the students I teach won't read the material or listen in class.

I hope I can keep my focus and this intense, crazy desire to learn.

Sorry this was so long. I guess I had something to say.

Thanks!

I just thought I'd write a quick note to say thanks to all of you who remembered me on my birthday. I was very surprised, actually... I got quite a few messages yesterday. (Facebook helped a lot with that... a LOT.)

It was a very good day. I went out exploring downtown with Jo and Karen - the Riverwalk is really neat! We stopped by a Mexican restaurant named Rudy's, and I had a great margarita. Last night was pretty low key - I think I fell asleep at 10:30 after a few hours of reading. All in all, the day was great.

Thanks for all the calls, texts, facebook messages, snail mail and flowers. :) I heard from more of my friends yesterday and today than on any other birthday that I can recall. All the contact really meant a lot to me. I'm loving Milwaukee, but it is a new city and a transition for me, so it was wonderful to know that so many people remembered.

Today I bought a bike. It's kickass. :)

I Like Myself

Wow, Happy Birthday to ME. (Trying to make myself feel special here.) I guess birthdays aren't a very big deal after you hit the 21 mark. Too bad.

As far as I've been able to tell, I am the second youngest person in my program - but only by two months. Jo turns 23 in October.

I received a "Happy Birthday" e-mail from the IMT computer program today... I'm not quite sure what that is... something associated with UWM. They sent a little alligator dude made completely out of lines and dashes (y'know -__----... that kind of thing).

Today Jo, Karen (another 1st year - she's 33 and has a 5-year-old son named Emmitt) and I are going to go downtown and explore the Riverwalk area (unless it's raining... if it is, we'll probably just go find a coffee shop somewhere). I'm glad I found a few people to hang out with me today.

It's grey, windy, and kinda cold outside. I think I'll go for a run.

Whirlwind

I'm sitting at my desk in the living room of my new house. My computer was in the ER for five days and for a while there, the outcome did not look good. Thanks to Jay and Dan though, she's back to her cheerful self (and free from viruses). I do have to reinstall EVERY program though (we had to completely wipe out the hard drive). Not to worry - AIM was the first thing I set up. :P (You weren't really worried, were you?)

I've been in Milwaukee since Saturday, and so much has happened since then - I don't know where to begin. I love the new place. My room is small but my bed fits, so I'm not complaining. The rest of the house is great. I'm almost done unpacking. I'm a five minute drive and about a 20/25 minute walk to campus. I need to get a bus pass. I'm rambling here, aren't I?

Monday and Tuesday I had my TA orientation - two days filled with information about how to teach undergraduates. It was WAY too much information and not enough time to absorb - I'll need to go back over my handouts - I did learn a TON though, and I'm grateful to the people who put the program together. Now I feel like I might have a fighting chance when I step into that classroom and pretend I'm a teacher. Damn.
We got a lot of great advice... like "don't date your students" and "don't tell racial jokes to break the ice on the first day of class." Wow.

I met the other 1st year Soc TA's (most of them). First impression is that they are all pretty cool. We're a very eclectic group. I'll be hanging out with these people quite a bit over the next few years, so hopefully we click. I am getting together with one of the girls later this afternoon to do a little bit of exploring (we're both from out of town... she's from WA state actually).

I got my student ID (HORRIBLE picture). I bought my books. I have 3 (THREE!) books for my graduate classes. I spend about $65. Unbelievable. I also have three for the class I'm TAing (Intro to Soc), but I think I get those for free - those books alone cost more than the three for my grad classes.

I still need to find a bank, start my homework, decide what bus is my bus, etc, etc (house keeping stuff).
I'm feeling pretty damn happy and confident about this whole thing though. I'm actually NOT scared (I'm sure I will be at some point). Imagine that - me not freaking out. I really *have* settled down over the past few years. I am no longer an uptight psycho. (Still psycho, just not uptight.)

As crazy as the next month will be, I really do feel at home. I feel calm. I feel ready.

In the Immortal Words of The Doors... The Time to Hesitate is Through

I own too much crap. It took me two hours (TWO HOURS!) to pack up my kicthen stuff today, and I'm still not done 'cause there are a few items that may or may not be mine (I don't remember). How did I get so many dishes, especially when I don't cook? Oh yeah, because I'm a nostalgist psycho. When I was preparing to move in to the SLP apartment, I was going through old dishes at my parents house and kept recognizing things from my childhood - so of course I took everything. Ugh.

I'm not sure I understand that I have only two days left in this city. I'm really going to miss Minneapolis. It's so lovely and happy and welcoming and blah blah blah. Yeah. I'm trying not to get too teary about this. I'm pumped to start school (even if I can't seem to finish that damn stats exam). I'm so excited and READY. I've never felt more ready for anything.

I'm always the latest bloomer, it seems. I'm never ready to let go when I "should" be (whatever that means). I wasn't done with high school when it was time for college. I wasn't done with college when it was time to graduate. I was always scared and worried and would wonder time and again how the hell I'd make it.
I'm still not sure how this grad school deal will go... I'm sure I'll stumble and mess up a few times. I'm sure I'll have my moments of loneliness. But this time I'm ready. This is such an amazing, empowering feeling!

I've been attempting to meet with as many friends as possible over the past week and a half - people in both RF and the cities. It's been crazy but very worthwhile. I think that my current confidence level is a result of all of these "meetings" and good conversations. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. Yeah, I may lose touch with a few people with this move... but I think I'll be able to hang on to most of them. :)
It's interesting - a good friendship is no longer determined by how much time you spend with someone but with the quality of the time you spend together - be it over the phone, online, or in person. Does that make sense? (I've been packing all day... my thought process isn't at its best.)

Anyway, it's time to move on. I'm ready, Milwaukee... as long as I can find a map to my apartment.

Trapped in a Box

Does anyone else know that song? Trapped in a Box, by No Doubt - it was on their very first album... when they were very punk/ska/spectacular.

Right now I'm attempting to pack up my life. I'm moving in a week. I cannot believe this summer has gone by as fast as it has. Then again, I think I say that every summer, so I'm not sure why I'm so surprised.

As I'm packing, I find myself relfecting on the past year I've spent in this apartment, and once again, I'm amazed at how much can happen in just a year's time. Seriously.
A few years ago, after I'd expressed my fear about life after college, my brother told me that the first year out is pretty damn scary (not his words), and that you probably learn more about yourself in that first year out than during all of school.
I think he was right.
I cannot believe how much I've changed (in a good way). It's difficult to explain.

I also cannot believe that in a week, I'll be living in a different city and diving back into academia. I'm hovering between extreme excitement and maniacal fear, and it seems that every other hour I want to burst into tears.
I'm hoping that with this year under my belt, I'll be better able to deal with being alone (historically not one of my strengths).
I have no worries about the actually school part of this transition... even if I'm struggling, I know that I will be able to find help somewhere. What I am worried about is being alone and lonely. I know that I'll be okay - eventually. The transition to that point is daunting.
It's a good thing I have friends to talk to. I just hope that I don't get stupid and decide that I shouldn't call them. (I tend to hold back and believe that I shouldn't waste other people's time with my stupid problems... working on this.)

Even with all of this anxiety, I'm still surprisingly okay (most of the time). I've done a lot of things this year that I never dreamed I would be able to do. I've finally been able to be more open and honest with myself about who I am and what I want, even if it's not who other people think I am/want me to be. That might sound ridiculous... but I am ridiculous, so don't be too surprised.

So here I sit... on the couch. (I love this couch. Too bad it can't come with me to Milwaukee.) I've run out of boxes for the day, so I guess I'm done packing until Sunday. I still can't believe I'm doing this.