Trapped in a Box
Does anyone else know that song? Trapped in a Box, by No Doubt - it was on their very first album... when they were very punk/ska/spectacular.
Right now I'm attempting to pack up my life. I'm moving in a week. I cannot believe this summer has gone by as fast as it has. Then again, I think I say that every summer, so I'm not sure why I'm so surprised.
As I'm packing, I find myself relfecting on the past year I've spent in this apartment, and once again, I'm amazed at how much can happen in just a year's time. Seriously.
A few years ago, after I'd expressed my fear about life after college, my brother told me that the first year out is pretty damn scary (not his words), and that you probably learn more about yourself in that first year out than during all of school.
I think he was right.
I cannot believe how much I've changed (in a good way). It's difficult to explain.
I also cannot believe that in a week, I'll be living in a different city and diving back into academia. I'm hovering between extreme excitement and maniacal fear, and it seems that every other hour I want to burst into tears.
I'm hoping that with this year under my belt, I'll be better able to deal with being alone (historically not one of my strengths).
I have no worries about the actually school part of this transition... even if I'm struggling, I know that I will be able to find help somewhere. What I am worried about is being alone and lonely. I know that I'll be okay - eventually. The transition to that point is daunting.
It's a good thing I have friends to talk to. I just hope that I don't get stupid and decide that I shouldn't call them. (I tend to hold back and believe that I shouldn't waste other people's time with my stupid problems... working on this.)
Even with all of this anxiety, I'm still surprisingly okay (most of the time). I've done a lot of things this year that I never dreamed I would be able to do. I've finally been able to be more open and honest with myself about who I am and what I want, even if it's not who other people think I am/want me to be. That might sound ridiculous... but I am ridiculous, so don't be too surprised.
So here I sit... on the couch. (I love this couch. Too bad it can't come with me to Milwaukee.) I've run out of boxes for the day, so I guess I'm done packing until Sunday. I still can't believe I'm doing this.
Right now I'm attempting to pack up my life. I'm moving in a week. I cannot believe this summer has gone by as fast as it has. Then again, I think I say that every summer, so I'm not sure why I'm so surprised.
As I'm packing, I find myself relfecting on the past year I've spent in this apartment, and once again, I'm amazed at how much can happen in just a year's time. Seriously.
A few years ago, after I'd expressed my fear about life after college, my brother told me that the first year out is pretty damn scary (not his words), and that you probably learn more about yourself in that first year out than during all of school.
I think he was right.
I cannot believe how much I've changed (in a good way). It's difficult to explain.
I also cannot believe that in a week, I'll be living in a different city and diving back into academia. I'm hovering between extreme excitement and maniacal fear, and it seems that every other hour I want to burst into tears.
I'm hoping that with this year under my belt, I'll be better able to deal with being alone (historically not one of my strengths).
I have no worries about the actually school part of this transition... even if I'm struggling, I know that I will be able to find help somewhere. What I am worried about is being alone and lonely. I know that I'll be okay - eventually. The transition to that point is daunting.
It's a good thing I have friends to talk to. I just hope that I don't get stupid and decide that I shouldn't call them. (I tend to hold back and believe that I shouldn't waste other people's time with my stupid problems... working on this.)
Even with all of this anxiety, I'm still surprisingly okay (most of the time). I've done a lot of things this year that I never dreamed I would be able to do. I've finally been able to be more open and honest with myself about who I am and what I want, even if it's not who other people think I am/want me to be. That might sound ridiculous... but I am ridiculous, so don't be too surprised.
So here I sit... on the couch. (I love this couch. Too bad it can't come with me to Milwaukee.) I've run out of boxes for the day, so I guess I'm done packing until Sunday. I still can't believe I'm doing this.
posted by Laura at
4:50 PM
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