Raise it up
''how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once'' - alanis morissette, thank you
I have a problem recognizing the good things. I get so mad at myself sometimes when I have a day full of good things that ends on a bad note... I don't get mad at the "bad note," I get mad that I can't get past it...
I'll focus on the one bad thing, and forget about all the good. I'm so ridiculous.
Yesterday was a great day at work. (Yes, read it again... you will see "great" and "work" in the same sentence.)
I had two meetings - one for leadership training that was actually really fun... and it was two hours I didn't have to sit in front of my computer.
I also had my three month review... I hate to brag... okay no I don't, not about this... it (the review) was sparkling. They love me. I got a raise... I big one. I do feel bad that they still believe I'm going to be there in a year. Oh well. At least I'm doing a good job and am getting some recognition for all of my work there.
Went home, made a real dinner with asparagus and green beans (wow - vegetables!)... listened to some great music... went to Kristen's, watched 24.
Then she mentions she has a date with this awesome funny boy on Friday and I get all funked up. We talk about all the people we know who are engaged, seriously dating, or married... most of them have been in these relationships for less than a year.
I am the only single person I know.
Okay, that's not true.
I'm lonely. It's just pathetic... because I know that my life... my "chaos"... is so completely up in the air... I'm just trying to get myself under control... any attempt at a real relationship would be a very horrible idea. I know this.
So anyway, I go home and sulk and then suddenly realize that I'm being completely ridiculous and I had such a good day that I should be happy.... I even got to sleep in this morning because I had a 9am meeting with my client at their office. And I still wasn't happy!
Then, once again, work today was really not so bad at all(aside from the client being dumb). I came home, ate some really awesome left over veggie lasagna (no sarcasm there)... going for coffee with Megs soon. Nothing to complain about!
Are there some mental exercises I could do to help me learn how to focus on the positive? Am I eating the wrong foods? I really need some help with this.
Honestly, the not-hearing-from-grad schools thing is really making me nervous. I think that if/when I hear, I'll feel a lot better... even if they all deny me... because then I'll actually be able to make some decisions about the next year of my life.
I have a problem recognizing the good things. I get so mad at myself sometimes when I have a day full of good things that ends on a bad note... I don't get mad at the "bad note," I get mad that I can't get past it...
I'll focus on the one bad thing, and forget about all the good. I'm so ridiculous.
Yesterday was a great day at work. (Yes, read it again... you will see "great" and "work" in the same sentence.)
I had two meetings - one for leadership training that was actually really fun... and it was two hours I didn't have to sit in front of my computer.
I also had my three month review... I hate to brag... okay no I don't, not about this... it (the review) was sparkling. They love me. I got a raise... I big one. I do feel bad that they still believe I'm going to be there in a year. Oh well. At least I'm doing a good job and am getting some recognition for all of my work there.
Went home, made a real dinner with asparagus and green beans (wow - vegetables!)... listened to some great music... went to Kristen's, watched 24.
Then she mentions she has a date with this awesome funny boy on Friday and I get all funked up. We talk about all the people we know who are engaged, seriously dating, or married... most of them have been in these relationships for less than a year.
I am the only single person I know.
Okay, that's not true.
I'm lonely. It's just pathetic... because I know that my life... my "chaos"... is so completely up in the air... I'm just trying to get myself under control... any attempt at a real relationship would be a very horrible idea. I know this.
So anyway, I go home and sulk and then suddenly realize that I'm being completely ridiculous and I had such a good day that I should be happy.... I even got to sleep in this morning because I had a 9am meeting with my client at their office. And I still wasn't happy!
Then, once again, work today was really not so bad at all(aside from the client being dumb). I came home, ate some really awesome left over veggie lasagna (no sarcasm there)... going for coffee with Megs soon. Nothing to complain about!
Are there some mental exercises I could do to help me learn how to focus on the positive? Am I eating the wrong foods? I really need some help with this.
Honestly, the not-hearing-from-grad schools thing is really making me nervous. I think that if/when I hear, I'll feel a lot better... even if they all deny me... because then I'll actually be able to make some decisions about the next year of my life.
posted by Laura at
8:04 PM
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