Honesty for you in the form of several disjointed thoughts

I suddenly feel like writing about this. I want to be open about it and hear what other people have to say - other experiences, thoughts... whatever.

I don't really want pity. I have friends I can call for that. Last night was rough, and I'm sure I'll have more rough nights related to this topic. Right now though, I'm okay.

Last week my father went into the clinic for a "check up." He was acting very strange - he was constantly confused, asking the same questions over and over again. Then he had a sharp, stinging pain on the back of his head.
Diagnosis - brain tumor.
I called my mother the evening after the "check up" to see what the outcome was. She says "Well, Dad has a big, old brain tumor.''

I'm still not quite sure what that means.

I was surprised... I was so sure they'd find something wrong with him related to all of his other problems we already know about... the PTSD, depression, the drinking.
Unfortunately (and obviously), brain tumors aren't something doctors normally test for and generally aren't discovered until someone develops specific symptoms.

The biopsy results aren't in yet and won't be in until Wednesday. For now, we're in limbo.

Generally... so far... I'm okay. This whole thing made my first week of graduate school even more overwhelming, but I'm tough and I didn't shrivel up and die. I thought about melting. But I didn't.
I'm trying my best (and succeeding, mostly) to keep my head in "reality" (where ever that is) and deal with every situation as it arises... and not worry about all of the possible things that could happen.

My dad and I have never been very close. We don't really see eye to eye. It's not that we don't get along, we just don't talk much. I recently went out to Cape May with him to visit his side of the family. (He's from Philly.) It was a very rewarding trip in a sense that I learned quite a bit about him that I'd never known before. I wonder how this new revelation will alter our relationship.


This is a horrible picture, but it's the only current one on my computer of my father and me.
(Just thought I'd give you a visual...)




In other news, school has taken over my life. I love it. Don't get me wrong, it's stressful and intimidating and a LOT of work. Honestly though, that's why I'm here. I love sociology.
I've started to meet people. Sort of. Developing connections and friendships with people is a process. It takes time. I am impatient. It'll happen though. I'm confident that I'm not too much of a psycho and will eventually find people who want to hang out with me.

That was supposed to be funny. I hope my sarcasm comes through in my writing. Hmm...

In other news (again), I've become a constant consumer of tea (courtesy of my roommate). I have at least one cup per day. I used to be too impatient to drink tea. I'd never let it steep enough before trying to drink it.

I think that's about enough for tonight. I might go READ.