The truth is in the stars...

Everyday when I come into work, I turn on my computer and then waste about 15/20 minutes... I check e-mail, Facebook, the weather, the top stories on MSN, and of course, my MSN horoscope.

Here's today's:

June 14, 2006

Don't let other people's arguments of the facts get in the way of your own truth. Don't doubt yourself and stop worrying. Don't get disgruntled if you aren't fitting in with whatever is going on around you. This is an indication that you may need to take another route. If you don't like the music being played, start your own band. You have everything in your power to make it happen.


Now, astrology to me is, at best, a good form of entertainment.
However, I really do appreciate it when my daily paragraph actually seems to relate to my life.
This, for example, is right on the money.

Right now, I feel like everyone around me is finally settling in - to jobs, relationships, apartments... whatever - they're settling into SOMETHING.
I, on the other hand, am searching for a new place to live in a new town. I'm quitting my job in about 6 weeks. I'll be taking classes at a new school - one that's sure to bring me a very different experience than the one I had at dear old GAC.
I am unsettled. And I am worried. And I'm scared out of my mind, people. I'm terrified! And on top of all that, I feel very alone with all of these feelings.

Granted, I realize I am not the only one going through major life changes. I'm sure there are many people currently in existence that also feel unsettled and scared and worried.
However, I do not know any of these people, and that's where the "lonely" part comes in.

And of couse, since I'm me, I'm trying my damnedest (is that even a word?) to deal with this myself. (I'd just rather not annoy my friends by talking about it all the time - especially when they can't relate.) Last night, I realized that I am failing miserably at "dealing" with this... 'cause I'm not dealing at all. I'm avoiding. I'm feeling sorry for myself. The real part of me (the honest part) is pissed off that I don't have someone to care about me and hold me and tell me not to feel scared.

I'm pissed off that my life has been in limbo for the past year and will probably not leave limbo for at least two/three more years. (Spending two years studying in a city I don't plan on staying in after those two years certainly qualifies me for at least two more years of "transition," don't you think?)

So... last night... I granted myself ONE night of crying and feeling bad and mad at the world. I grabbed my orange kleenex box, Jack (my ipod), and my abnormally large headphones, and at 9pm, I crawled into bed and sobbed. At some point, I actually did try to call a few people and reached only voicemails (probably a good thing - I was way too ridiculous to actually TALK to anyone).

And now I'm done. I had my night of patheticness, and now I need to buck up. The rational part of my brain (however small that may be) understands that my life is not that bad, that I am not alone, and that I will get through this.

I think I'm going to take this horoscope to heart and sincerely attempt to STOP worrying. I'm going on my own adventure - and yeah, that's scary, but it's also exciting! I don't need to rely on other people to make me feel safe. I already know that I'll be just fine. I cannot let my ridiculous fear take over and keep me from following my instincts and living my life.

So that's that. I'm leaving in two months, people... get your "Mac" time in now - 'cause honestly... after Milwaukee, who knows where I'll end up.