Memory
I was just looking back over some previous posts... realized that I started this thing about a year ago... Nov 2004.
As I read, I was struck by how much has happened in my life since then. A year really isn't that long. How can so much happen?! God. What a whirlwind. I wrote a ton back then too... now I can hardly form sentences. I feel worn out and confused. I know it's because this week/month/season has been a big, busy transition... and so was the summer... and so was the spring.
Damn. I just want to call up someone and vent, but I hate doing that... strange that I feel like doing something I hate doing. I just feel like a bother when I do that. People have their own busy lives. And the times that I have done that, I get whomever on the line and then I get all tongue-tied... "um... hey... I'm kinda depressive tonight..." "um... I don't know... nothing's really wrong..." Because nothing's ever really wrong! It's all how I look at it. My life isn't that bad. It's good actually, compared to a lot of other people's lives. I feel so ridiculous and stupid complaining about crap that really isn't important.
Now that I'm on a roll venting... I also hate when people tell me I'm special or important to the world. What is that shit? I am one person in this world of over 6 billion people. How can I possibly be special and important? That's so stupid. STUPID! I don't feel special or important. I feel expendable. Don't tell me I'm not. It's one of those things I need to be okay with, y'know. I'm really just run-of-the-mill. I'm too goddamn busy to do anything exceptional!
God. I'm sorry. I'm just tired and stressed with grad application deadlines. I'll stop now.
As I read, I was struck by how much has happened in my life since then. A year really isn't that long. How can so much happen?! God. What a whirlwind. I wrote a ton back then too... now I can hardly form sentences. I feel worn out and confused. I know it's because this week/month/season has been a big, busy transition... and so was the summer... and so was the spring.
Damn. I just want to call up someone and vent, but I hate doing that... strange that I feel like doing something I hate doing. I just feel like a bother when I do that. People have their own busy lives. And the times that I have done that, I get whomever on the line and then I get all tongue-tied... "um... hey... I'm kinda depressive tonight..." "um... I don't know... nothing's really wrong..." Because nothing's ever really wrong! It's all how I look at it. My life isn't that bad. It's good actually, compared to a lot of other people's lives. I feel so ridiculous and stupid complaining about crap that really isn't important.
Now that I'm on a roll venting... I also hate when people tell me I'm special or important to the world. What is that shit? I am one person in this world of over 6 billion people. How can I possibly be special and important? That's so stupid. STUPID! I don't feel special or important. I feel expendable. Don't tell me I'm not. It's one of those things I need to be okay with, y'know. I'm really just run-of-the-mill. I'm too goddamn busy to do anything exceptional!
God. I'm sorry. I'm just tired and stressed with grad application deadlines. I'll stop now.
posted by Laura at
8:50 PM
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